When people say, “Bless you,” or, “Blessings,” I think they really mean to say, “May God bless you.”

Hold it right there — should I accept this bestowal? I’m disinclined to. Obviously, most people are not authorized to bestow blessings in the traditional sense. Have they considered I may not desire their blessings, or even believe in the big friendly spirit they claim to represent?

Then again maybe they are just saying, “I sympathize with that sneeze.”

When people say, “No problem,” I think they really mean to say, “You’re welcome,” the traditional rejoinder to “Thank you.” These days everyone is saying, “No problem,” as if they want you to know that helping you or serving you was a trivial act that cost them no effort.

Well, if that’s the case then I wonder why we should feel obligated to say “thank you” at all.

When people say, “Needless to say,” I think they are just showing off. They didn’t need to say it but they are demonstrating that they have complete command of the subject. Just so you know.

When people say, “I’m taking this to my grave,” I think they are a little mixed up. Strictly speaking they are taking nothing to the grave. Someone else loads up the coffin.

Finally, when people say “Like,” (as in, “That’s like, totally random”), I think they mean, “I want you to know I could care less about communicating anything apart from this homage to contemporary babble.”

‘Nuff said.